Hold me tight and don't let go !

Hold me tight and don't let go !, originally uploaded by | Syka |.

"A million times i’ve needed you. A million times i’ve cried. If love alone could have saved you, you never would have died."

I don't know how to feel better about this situation. I randomly remember something. and the tears start all over again. I don't know how to stop them. Basically I feel guilty. Like maybe it was my fault- for not being smart enough- that last moment. I shouldve known. I did know. Yet, it didnt cross my mind at the moment that I needed it. You learn things, and you learn. But then- those things that have made you smarter throughtout the years always escape you in your most needed time. I keep thinking why/? You were supposed to come back. You were supposed to be there as we got older. You were supposed to be a part of my life. You were too young. I cant find the right words for all these emotions. I smile- but those who know me- know its not an ordinary smile. Its not the smile that you were so used to. It's forced, and I don't know what to do about that. You were my guide. One of the few people that I trusted with myself enough, to share everything. every spec of thought that came across my mind. I randomly write to you now- like I used to. Yet, i wish you would respond. Tell me things so that it could all be easier. You made so many things so easy- for those around you. This is when I needed you most, and this is the only time that you won't be there. What am i to do? who am i supposed to seek out? Who can i trust like i trusted in you? Promise you won't escape my memories. Promise you won't ever leave my thoughts. Please- that is all i have to hold on to now.