they say writing and time cures all heartbreak. i don't know about time- because i cant really grasp it. its not mine, nor will i ever be able to claim it. but i have my thoughts. thats all i have been given at the end of the day. i keep thinking. keep thinking too much perhaps. i don't know if i just made a mistake, or if all along this was meant to be. that it was something bound to catch up to me eventually. they say i had a choice and it was my decision after all. probably right. actually yes- they are right. but how wise am i? when i can't even keep on one decision. i hope you know this is the biggest risk i have ever taken in my life. i keep sitting here wondering if you know exactly how much u mean to me. let's take out the things i have said, the things you have heard, the things you feel, what you think i feel. i wish i can just open up my heart- let your eyes see all of it. no words needed to be spoken. one soul seeing the heart of another. maybe then everything in this world would be on a different plane. different perspective. i want to have a set of binoculars- to be able to see u at all times. to see your every move. to see how your doing. how your feeling. would it be better for my heart and mind to be at ease, if i could just see- deep inside you. i swear i wouldn't need to hear any words coming out of your mouth. i would just be able to see for myself, to understand beyond imagination. i hung up the phone. waited for you to call back. talk me out of the stupid nonsense idea that i just had. you never called. then my hurt became like a brick. i couldn't breathe. i couldn't move. i haven't decided if its because you really want me to get better, to feel better or if all along i made myself see something that was never there. if i created a world all on my own accord. you saying nothing- i still cant get over. maybe i should've done this face to face. maybe then i could feel your emotions at that specific moment. i need to cure myself of this love i have for you. i have been down that road before, and it left me with nothing but brokenness inside of me. i can't do that to myself again. i'm going about my normal routine, and it hasn't even been two days. but i want to give up my stubbornness. i want to make up excuses for you like i always did in my head. i want to have a different last conversation with you. why haven't you called? why are you letting me go through with this? i keep thinking if you cared as much as i did about you- then you would've done what i would do. you wouldn't have hung up the phone/ you would've talked some sense into me. i don't know what to think. what am i supposed to think? is this really how much i mean to you. why can't you for once put your pride aside and put me first. it's simple. quite simple. but yet i watch my self everyday, my every move. thinking how much longer.? do i have to wait. and then i say 21 days is all it takes to start a new habit, to break a cycle. i have literally convinced myself and those around me. but i haven't convinced my heart. your probably thinking well, if you cared about someone you wouldn't leave them no matter what. what would it take to show you my love for you? i was thinking yesterday, what if when i'm over you, what if when i'm ready to come back- you won't be there. what if's/ eh? always something or rather. but you know what would be better than all this me talking like a crazy person. if you were actually there for me to have a real conversation with. but you won't allow yourself to show any emotions. you won't allow me to get that close to you, after this long. after i have already shown you everything you need to see- for you to know. i'm never one to hurt you. i'm not like those women that came before me. but i have a feeling you already know. you just won't accept it- cuz i understand. it's always easier to never let yourself feel, than to feel and never be able to bring those feelings back once the person is gone. i don't know what to say or do to show you. can you just tell me. can you just pick up the phone and just say hey. hello. i'm dying to hear. dying to hear everything is gonna be okay, and just know your smile on the other end. what i would do to hear that everything is gonna be okay. i don't feel that anymore. i am starting to think that okay- is everyone's way of saying, hey look please don't make me say it/it's gonna be okay, okay? how sure. mom's says- i'm sorry. i know he was your only best friend. i know he got you through the days. if she can see, why can't you? maybe i'm overreacting. i'm over evaluating as usual. just tell me that- and i'll believe it. i always believed in you. maybe i'm not good enough. please just calm my heart. hold on to me, and never let me go.

Death comes and goes. I have known that my entire life. But its hard to accept it when it happens to someone you know, or even someone thats dear and close to your heart. I keep thinking that it's not possible, that it couldn't have happened. I mean i just spoke with you a few hours before you left. And i was awaiting to hear taht you had arrived safely. I keep thinking that maybe if I had told you to stay behind, if only i spoke a few words and convinced you not to leave, that everything would be fine now. I know that that definitely isnt true but i want to reason. I want to reason with anyone that will listen. I didn't believe her when she called. I thought someone was being cruel. How is it possible to lose you in such a short span of time. And then i keep thinking that you kept saying something was wrong, but you couldnt tell what it was. Do we all get signs like taht? but your not here, for me to ask. I am beyond devastated, because we had plans- plans for the near future. And then your gone just like that. i haven't gotten an ounce of sleep since I found out. I'm literally shaking with a cold that has overcome me; and i can't seem to find the warmth within me. It's not coming- I don't know if it ever will. All night i kept thinking my god? why? why? why? why did this happen to me? but then  istarted thinking what about your mom and your dear sister? what are they going through at the moment. for your mom to have lost her only son, for them to not have seen you for 2 weeks, for your sister to think it was her idea. this one is gonna be a hard one for any of us to grab. i keep blaming the people on the plane- like wouldnt someone be able to tell there is something wrong with you? that something was up? and the only thing i can think of is that you died peacefully. or else they wouldve seen the struggle in you. i dont know if that s a good sign, but i have been praying for you. im in a sort of haze- all that's coming out of my mouth is praying to god to forgive you your sins, to make your grave wide, to let you rest in peace, to take you to paradise.

Faisal, i can't tell you how much you meant to me. And even if you were still here- I still wouldn't have known were to start. You were too kind and generous. I literally haven't met anyone like you. I guess the only regret I have is not saying enough to you. Not taking your advice when I should've; not telling you how things were and how much you meant to me. Inshallah one day soon we will meet again in Janat. And i will continue to keep praying that Allah forgives you, and gives you paradise. Goodbye dear friend.

I haven't been taking any pictures lately. I feel as though my soul is empty.

Inshallah soon. I'll hold you in my hands again. Inshallah soon. I'll look at the world through your lens.

Art in a new form

this entirely blew me away- the first time i saw it. so many emotions. so talented indeed- to be able to show romance, and war all in a few minutes.

Poetry that I El. O. v.

Lovely somali poetry by Maxamed Xaashi Dhamac: She

Desert Flower

The inspiring story of a brave Somali Woman: Desert Flower

can't wait to watch this.

That in fact they were color blind in the worst way. That they could not see the beauty I grew up seeing. That you have to have loved a place to see its true colors.

K'naan to me is more than just an artist, or entertainer. With becoming well known- comes responsibilities- responsibilities of carrying the burden of your people- for speaking out for them- giving a voice to those who can no longer be heard. And I believe that he is doing that everyday in his quiet presence.

Here is a piece K'naan wrote for Italian Vogue, entitled "True Colors"